-
Written at 5:56 pm on Jul. 18, 2004
I feel so different from what i used to be, but at the same time, i feel the same. I broke down one night at camp. I cried and cried about how i dont have anyone to count on and trust, how i feel so alone, i dont know why i did this. Red comforted me, told me that he was always there for me and that i coudl trust him, and i know i can, but at the same time i cant reach out to people. He told me that he wasnt sure if it was a good or bad thing, but that i was definetly not the same person that i used to be, this made me cry more.
the next night was all about death and loosing those you love. I cried and cried because i dont want to loose anyone that i love. All those kids had been through so much. I wasnt even crying for myself, but i felt like i was crying for everyone around me.
The night after that i got a letter from my best friend saying that she had been in a terrible car accident on the freeway. she could have very well died. She is okay, but the thought of loosing her made me cry harder than ever.
I dont know where i am going with this at all. I feel very confused and mixed up right now. maybe its just because i dont feel very well right now, maybe its because i am tired and these things are just making me emotional about anything i can be, but maybe it actually bothers me deep down.