school is cool
Written at 5:14 am on Sept. 27, 2002
sometimes i get sad that i left school. I would have really liked to have had a sr year. Sr year is the year where you get to do everything. now i dont know if im goign to get to go to a prom. i dont get to graduate with my friends, hell i dont get to graduate. i cant go to the after graduation party. i almost never see my school friends. When i do they talk about school and things that i dont know anythign about and i feel left out. i wish i could have been a normal kid. I wish i coudl have done the 4 years of high school and graduated with everyone else and then the next year gone into university, but no.
i feel lucky sometimes that i dont have to deal with school like they do. I dont have to get up at the butt crack of dawn just to look good to go to someplace that i dont like and impress people that mean nothing. I dotn have to deal with the shit loads of homework and the dumb ass teachers that dont understand who you are even thought they think they do. i dont have to deal with the kids that think they are so much better then you because their parents own a lexus or they shop at abercrombie. i dotn have to deal with that. however you dont see the possitives of school till your not there though. I dont get to deal with being with friends constintly through out the day. i dont get to deal with teachers who do actually care for you. i dont get to deal with being with people my age for hours on end. I cant have lunch with my friends on the yard anymore. i dont get to go to a class that really soesnt matter and goof around with my friends in the back. I dont get to wait in the halls with my friends till the minute bell rings only to run to class on the other side of the building. Its the stupid things you miss.
High school is a feeling. its warm and yet hospital like at the same time. its knowing that there are a few thousand other people their going through the same thing you are. i knew that there were those that others looked at as above me, hell i looked at as above me. those with more options and were in some way supperior to me. and there were those that were in some way inferior to me. those guys that hung out on that one wall during lunch and played gameboy or whatever they did. and their were those who were right there with me, just one of the numbers. i dotn think ill ever forget those halways whos walls were plastered with signs for the next car wash and signs telling of what club was over pricing what food for lunch. i wont forget the holes in the walls that the kids thought would be cool if they put there. as gross as it is i will never forget those bathrooms, the stinch of cigerette smoke with a hint of pot hanging in the air and the messages writin on the stall walls about how kathrine was there or how jenny loved matt 4 ever. i wont forget those lunches where me and the girls lazied out on the grass just lieng down soaking in the sun while talking about nothing in perticular. i wont forget. and i miss it. i miss it all, yes even those bathrooms.
Im missing out on so much. i wish i could have just led a normal lfe, damn this chronic fatigue. Its so true, you dont realize what you had till its gone. So all you kids who are in high school still and reading this, dont look at what you do as stupid and meaningless, cause its goign to mean something later on. live that next day at school for me. Someone who cant be there. take it in. Look around and realize the good things and see the good in the bad. Notice the charecteristics that make your school waht it is. realize the feeling that you get when you go in that place, cause thats what i remember most. just take it in, cause one day you are probably going to want to remember.